I’m not enough, & that’s the point.

I was talking with a friend the other day about what it feels like to be unqualified, and I realized it's something almost everyone deals with, whether they'd admit it or not. For me, this feeling hasn't just been a passing feeling. It's been a theme running through my whole life. Again and again, I've sensed God calling me to something, only to feel reluctant, afraid, or simply not enough, like I couldn't possibly do what He was asking of me.

I can trace this feeling back further than I'd like to admit, all the way to when I was eight years old. That was the year I was diagnosed with DiGeorge Syndrome, also known as 22q, a genetic condition caused by a small missing piece of the 22nd chromosome. It affected my speech so much that most people couldn't understand me when I spoke. I had cleft palate surgery to help correct it, then spent a while afterward in speech therapy, learning how to talk.

That was the first time I felt unqualified, before I could quite understand what this feeling actually was. I saw early on that the thing that felt easy to everyone else was difficult to me. Somewhere in that process of relearning to speak, a belief took root inside of me—that I am fundamentally behind, and fundamentally lacking in ways other people aren’t.

So, when God called me toward ministry, that old belief was right there waiting, whispering to me that I should quit before I even started. In the residency, we were required to preach one sermon each year, and received feedback and critique from campus pastors at our church. I still felt afraid to stand up and speak in front of others in this kind of way.

Throughout my life, I have found comfort in the many stories of Scripture where God called people who felt inadequate to do the work He called them to. My past blog post was all about Moses & the Israelites crossing the Red Sea, but ten chapters before this moment, we see Moses struggle profoundly with insecurity and doubt. God called Moses to speak to Pharaoh to let His people go free, but Moses actually doesn’t jump to the occasion. Instead, he comes up with every single excuse in the book on why he can’t possibly be the one for the job.

In Exodus 3, we see God meet Moses in the middle of a burning bush. He told Moses, right there in the flames, that He was aware of His people’s suffering. Moses responds to God in this way:

“Who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”

God answered Moses in the very next verse,

“I will be with you…” (Exodus 3:11-12, NLT).

Then, for multiple verses, Moses protests and presents every excuse to God on why he can’t possibly be the one God calls to do this. God called Moses to verbally speak to the people of Israel, and Moses responds,

“O, Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled” (Exodus 4:10, NLT). Moses’ excuse wasn’t fear or danger, but his own insecurity of speaking.

What God said to Moses changes how I view my own insecurity of my voice,

“Who makes a person’s mouth? Who decides whether people speak or do not speak, hear or do not hear, see or do not see? Is it not I, the LORD? Now go! I will be with you as you speak and I will instruct you on what to say” (Exodus 4:11-12, NLT).

God didn’t remove Moses’ insecurity or even give him a better voice. He promised to be with Moses through his insecurity. Paul understood the same truth centuries later. When he begged God to remove his own thorn in the flesh, God’s answer echoed one He’d already told Moses,

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Paul didn’t hide that weakness, he boasted in it in the very next verse,

“Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2nd Corinthians 12:9-10, NLT).

The Greek words in this passage really stand out to me. One word being “rest”. This word in the Greek is episkēnoō. Its literal translation means to pitch a tent upon, dwell, or rest upon. In the Old Testament, God’s power was in the Temple. The Hebrew word for the idea of dwelling is shakan, which means to settle down, tabernacle, or indwell. One passage from the Old Testament that reflects this imagery is Exodus 25:8, where the Lord told Moses, “Then have them make a sanctuary for me, and I will dwell among them” (NIV).

Now, in the New Covenant, God’s power dwells in us when we are followers of Christ. We don’t need a Temple to have the presence of God around us. We are the temple of God.

This is the very lesson I had to learn that day standing in front of campus pastors at my church:

The qualification wasn’t going to come from being perfected enough, polished enough, or prepared enough. The qualification comes from the fact that God was with me, and that He would show up with me in not feeling enough. Since that day, I have been able to step into the call God has placed on my life. Not perfectly, but with confidence knowing that I carry the presence of God with me wherever I go. Paul reminds us in 2nd Corinthians 3:16, “Don’t you realize that all of you together are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God lives in you?” (NLT)

Maybe your calling doesn’t look like speaking in a pulpit. Maybe it’s a conversation you’ve been putting off, speaking the truth to someone who needs to hear it, a ministry you’ve avoided starting, or a role you turned down because you didn’t feel ready.

Moses wasn’t suddenly ready to face Pharaoh and bring the Israelites out of Egypt. In Moses’ reluctance to obey, the Lord brought Aaron to be the spokesperson for Moses.

Your story doesn’t have to look like Moses. When God calls us to do something, it is often the very insecurity we have that God wants to use in our story. Obedience to God doesn’t wait for confidence. Obedience happens when you’re still afraid.

In whatever ways you don’t feel enough, don’t feel qualified, and feel insecure of your calling, know that you were never asked to be enough. You were only asked to be obedient to God’s call on your life. I’m still not enough, and I never will be. That’s the point. And I’m going to walk in my calling, anyway, because I know God lives inside of me.

The conversation with my friend repeats in my mind often. If they asked me again today what it feels like to be unqualified, I’d tell them this— some days it’s easier to believe than others. But you show up in the insecurity so that God can do His work through you. God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.