reminder: you’re not behind in life.
have you ever felt behind in something? I remember being in school and realizing that a test I thought was later on was actually coming up sooner than I thought. I’d say, “I’m so behind, I gotta catch up!” and attempt to recuperate what I lost because I thought I had more time than I actually did. I see this happen to a lot of people in their actual lives, thinking they can catch up to where they think they’re supposed to be. but life isn’t like catching up for a test you forgot to study for. you can’t mess up the timeline of your life.
we live in a culture where we can see what everyone and their mother is doing. I can open up Instagram and see that Susie got married at just 21, Billy bought a house at 23, and Christy had a baby at 24. to be quite honest, I feel behind for my age. I’m twenty-six, and I’ve actually never been on a date. I see these young women getting married, and while my first thought should be, “I’m so happy she found her person”, my actual first thought more often than not is “God, why did you give her someone and not me? Is there something wrong with me? I must be doing something wrong.”
though I’d like to think the comparison stays on the surface, it actually seeps into the way I view my life and the way I view God. it makes me wonder if I’ve missed something or if I’m behind on the timeline God has in place for me. the more I sit in this mindset, the more I realize that I’m too busy comparing my life to others’ instead of actually living the life God has for me.
through reading the Bible, I’ve realized that this isn’t just a modern-day struggle, but one that appears between the pages of Scripture that were written thousands and thousands of years ago. there is one specific story in the Bible that gives us a picture of what it looks like to bring these feelings of comparison to God instead of letting our feelings define the way we live our lives.
this story is centered on a woman named Hannah in 1st Samuel 1. Hannah was married to Elkanah, and he had two wives. one was Hannah, and the other was Peninnah. Elkanah only had children from one of his wives, Peninnah. Hannah was longing for a child but had not yet conceived. Peninnah mocked Hannah because the Lord hadn’t yet given her children. one day, while Hannah was at the Tabernacle, she wept before the Lord, asking Him for a child. she even told the Lord that she would dedicate her child to Him for all the days of her child’s life. Eli was the priest at the Tabernacle, and had seen Hannah praying. she was praying so earnestly and intently that Eli thought she was drunk. Hannah replies to the priest saying,
“I haven’t been drinking wine or anything stronger. But I am very discouraged, and I was pouring out my heart to the LORD. Don’t think I am a wicked woman! For I have been praying out of great anguish and sorrow.” Eli responds and tells her to go in peace, praying that God would grant her request. in time, God did answer her prayer.
years later, when Hannah came back to the Tabernacle, she brought her son, Samuel. she saw Eli at the tabernacle and she asked him, “Sir, do you remember me? I am the very woman who stood here several years ago praying to the LORD. I asked the LORD to give me this boy, and he has granted my request. now I am giving him to the LORD, and he will belong to the LORD for his whole life” (V. 26-27). after Hannah told Eli the good news, the text says they praised the Lord together. Samuel would go on to be a prophet of Israel, and anoint future kings, one being King David, who is in the lineage of Jesus, the long awaited Messiah of Israel.
Hannah knows what it’s like to long for something and feel like you’ll never receive it. God wasn’t absent in Hannah’s waiting. in fact, God knew exactly when Hannah was to conceive a son. though Hannah felt delay, God was actually writing a bigger story than Hannah could imagine. God knew exactly when Hannah’s son was to be born, and the waiting she went through was not wasted. the same can be said for us. when we feel behind, God is actually writing a story for us far better than we could ask, think, or imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
the reality of Hannah’s situation wasn’t that God was withholding anything from her, but that He had a better plan and story for her than she could dream in her own mind and heart. Psalm 84:11 reminds us, “For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right” (NLT). the Lord knows us and what we need better than we know ourselves.
when I get too busy looking at everyone else’s life, I can easily fall into the comparison trap thinking that “I’m behind, and I have to catch up”. this is what the enemy wants me to do. he wants to steal my joy from the present moment and make me think that God has forgotten about me. he wants me to think that I’m the only one in my situation and that I need to fix my life to look like other’s lives.
but then I’m reminded of Hannah. she knows exactly what it feels like to watch other people get what you’ve so earnestly prayed for. but she stayed earnest in her prayers, believing in the impossible that God promised us He can do. she didn’t dismiss her desires, but brought them to the altar of the Living God. I can’t force the desires of my heart to come true. but what I can do is turn my desires over to God at His altar. His ways are always better than mine and He knows the path I should take (Isaiah 58:8-9).
whatever area of your life you feel behind in, God is not wasting this season. God is using the comparison you are feeling to shape your story. the place where you currently feel the longing may one day be where someone else finds their hope in your testimony, just like we can find hope in Hannah’s story in Scripture. God isn’t done writing your story. we may not know why God makes us wait on certain things, but remember that you’re not behind. you’re living the very life God has chosen for you. and just like He did with Hannah, God is still working all things together for our good & His glory (Romans 8:28).
